Crazy Asinine Christians
(Printed in the Towanda Daily Review on May 3, 1999. )
Jill Darling's headline article, "From Gay to Straight" (April 27, Review), and in the same paper her column, "Lured Toward Lesbianism", make me wonder about the mission of the Towanda Daily Review to become a serious newspaper. As expected, her columns reflect her own opinions and as such require no balance or factual material. However, a headline report should present all sides of an issue and allow readers to come to their own conclusions rather than to those of a biased reporter.
Yet, this newspaper's editors allowed her to present material based on nothing more than homophobic biases about the conversion of homosexuals to heterosexuality -- despite the fact of the assertions of the American Psychiatric Association; Dr. Bryant Welch, Executive Director for Professional Practice of the American Psychological Association; and the Council of Representatives of the American Psychological Association that homosexuality is not a disorder, that there is no scientific evidence supporting the efficacy of so-called gay to straight 'reparative therapy', and that gay men and lesbians who have accepted their sexual orientation positively are better adjusted than those who have not done so.
Jerry Armelli, the subject of Darling's "report", claims to have been converted from homosexuality to heterosexuality through prayer, religion, and Jesus. He then founded Prodigal Ministries to share his profound insights with others "afflicted" with Biblically incorrect sexual preferences – the "confused" as they are called.
Likewise, I would like to help the confused. As an ordained minister, I founded Crazy Asinine Christians Anonymous, or CACA, to help not all Christians but only the Crazy Asinine ones. To be clear, most Christians don't fall in the Crazy Asinine category, but for those that do, CACA is for you.
How do you know if you're a Crazy Asinine Christian? Answer these simple questions. (1) With total disregard for a vast body of scientific evidence, do you still discount evolution? (2) With total disregard for common sense, do you believe that all the species of the world really fit in that ark? (3) With total disregard for all that is holy, do you think that Jerry Falwell and Pat Robertson make sense? (4) Do you believe that the male should be the absolute dictator of the family unit? (5) Do you believe that homosexuality is a disease that needs to be cured, even if the homosexual is a well adjusted content individual?
If you answered "yes" to all of the above questions, then CACA is for you. You can be cured and returned to the world of normal Christianity with reparative therapy. Prior to treatment at CACA, 68% of respondents reported being almost entirely crazy and asinine, with the balance a mix of mostly asinine and somewhat crazy, to mostly crazy and slightly asinine. After treatment, only 67% saw themselves as still entirely crazy and asinine. One-hundred percent of the 1% who were cured believed that the treatment was completely successful. When it comes to reparative therapy, it's all CACA.
John L. Ferri