(copyright John L. Ferri 1994, firstname.lastname@example.org)
A Mammary Undulation Proposal
My favorite, from "A Roman Marriage", is "spilled excitedly".
Stephanie Howard writes that the heroine clenches her stomach as the hero impatiently reaches around her and unhooks her bra so that her breasts "spill excitedly" against him.
Several efforts, again with my assistant, to examine the "spilled excitedly" effect showed that the "spilled" component was consistently reproducible, however, the nebulous "excitedly" was difficult to interpret. Further study is required, starting with the explicit definition of "excitedly" within the context used here.
I believe that the key parameter involved is breast undulation -- particularly its frequency, duration, and axis. "Excitedly" can then be quantified through slow motion color video analysis of undulating breasts immediately after being rapidly released from a containment apparatus. To be complete, the release should be done with breast orientation in each of three positions: down, up, and horizontal. The number of undulations per second; whether the motion is horizontal, vertical, or a combination; and their duration can be recorded and analyzed for multiple subjects with various breast sizes under varied conditions.
In my opinion, the cost of such a project would be approximately $50,000 and span three months. Please submit any funding proposals to email@example.com.